live everyday like a poem...
Monday, February 23, 2009
Welcome to the Family
We're finally alone at last
Oh how I've waited for this day to come
There's just something about you that rubs me wrong
You're not worth my attention
I built this with my own two hands
If you could spare me the time
Stop using me as your next misconception
It won't be long before you meet your end
You're nothing more than a passing trend
So keep those cameras rolling
You think I wouldn't remember?
You thought that I would lose faith in myself
You can spare me the lies
You don't believe in me
Your life's a contradiction
We draw the line at being in your life
Here's to the man of the hour
We'll cast out problems aside
Cheers to your future, may they bury you alive
I don't believe that everything
you've known about me is gone forever
And I won't forget the days
that we spent forever, it haunts me
- A Day To Remember
Sometimes, people forget how meaningful lyrics can be, how there's a deeper meaning in every word of every sentence.
Bedlight for Blue Eyes - Jumper
¶ 5:05 AM 2 Comments
Oh how I've waited for this day to come
There's just something about you that rubs me wrong
You're not worth my attention
I built this with my own two hands
If you could spare me the time
Stop using me as your next misconception
It won't be long before you meet your end
You're nothing more than a passing trend
So keep those cameras rolling
You think I wouldn't remember?
You thought that I would lose faith in myself
You can spare me the lies
You don't believe in me
Your life's a contradiction
We draw the line at being in your life
Here's to the man of the hour
We'll cast out problems aside
Cheers to your future, may they bury you alive
I don't believe that everything
you've known about me is gone forever
And I won't forget the days
that we spent forever, it haunts me
- A Day To Remember
Sometimes, people forget how meaningful lyrics can be, how there's a deeper meaning in every word of every sentence.
Bedlight for Blue Eyes - Jumper
¶ 5:05 AM 2 Comments
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Situations
It's been hard these past few days.
I'm content with the fact that i finally have a direction in life i can look forward to but in the process, i missed out on a chance to spend time with my family. dilemma's a bitch.
I chose school over family and it was the hardest decision i had to make, but i did and i wont regret. Did i made the wrong decision? maybe. but can you blame me for getting my life together? can you blame me for thinking about myself for a change?
the least you could do was to not rub it in my face. it's not a joke if it hurts others. i had to restrain myself from fighting back because of your insensitivity. it led me to think that you might be heartless. not that i'm desperate for attention, but just some wouldnt hurt would it?
I'm content with my life. content.
That doesnt mean i'm happy. in fact, it's been a while since i felt happy.
I've been working every fucking minute that i think i'm literally losing my mind.
And lately, it feels as though i'm losing the people i can talk to. everyone's changing, it feels like i'm left behind.
this situation, this fucking situation. is god really testing me or does he not want me to be happy? twice i failed to meet her, in the shivering cold and miles apart.
i think i'm losing it. ¶ 12:46 PM 3 Comments
I'm content with the fact that i finally have a direction in life i can look forward to but in the process, i missed out on a chance to spend time with my family. dilemma's a bitch.
I chose school over family and it was the hardest decision i had to make, but i did and i wont regret. Did i made the wrong decision? maybe. but can you blame me for getting my life together? can you blame me for thinking about myself for a change?
the least you could do was to not rub it in my face. it's not a joke if it hurts others. i had to restrain myself from fighting back because of your insensitivity. it led me to think that you might be heartless. not that i'm desperate for attention, but just some wouldnt hurt would it?
I'm content with my life. content.
That doesnt mean i'm happy. in fact, it's been a while since i felt happy.
I've been working every fucking minute that i think i'm literally losing my mind.
And lately, it feels as though i'm losing the people i can talk to. everyone's changing, it feels like i'm left behind.
this situation, this fucking situation. is god really testing me or does he not want me to be happy? twice i failed to meet her, in the shivering cold and miles apart.
i think i'm losing it. ¶ 12:46 PM 3 Comments
Monday, September 29, 2008
Symptoms, Syndromes & Consequences of Serenity
I feel depression kicking in
slowly
Emotions are stirred up inside
the only emotions i've been feeling
I'm lost.
I feel like theres no such thing as home anymore.
The only thing i have left is the couch i'm sleeping on
which will soon be at the top of a pile of garbage.
The only thing i can hold on to
The only sense of home i have left.
I'm like a drifter
no sense of belonging
as free as a drifter could be
I dont want to be a drifter
I'm confused.
This should be the time i celebrate the joy in life
but somehow i dont feel like smiling
there really isnt much to be happy about
and even as i type this few words down
i know no one will read them
why do i keep typing then?
nobody's out there
I'm worried.
she's there all alone
and i have never stopped thinking about her
is she ok?
she's the only one who could snap me back to reality
that's why she's so special
thats why i'm taking it so hard
as much as she is to me
she has someone much more meaningful
which leads me back to the loneliness
I don't feel like myself.
¶ 1:01 PM 0 Comments
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I'm not suicidal
I'm not suicidal.
I don't have intentions of cutting myself,
or ending my life
or anything emo to that caliber.
But somehow,
every night,
i dream of jumping off a building
soaring through the sky
the wind through my air
brushing against my face.
am i lying to myself then?
I'm not suicidal
but somehow i love the feeling of pain.
it makes me feel alive.
i'll throw myself to the ground,
i'll punch myself to bleed,
i have thoughts of getting beaten up by random people just for the kick.
sometimes,
i think i'm going mental.
i put myself into positions where i know i'll get hurt
do i like hurting myself that way?
do i like feeling like shit and getting attention from everyone?
am i really that attention seeking?
i give myself too much hope sometimes.
and i forgot how fragile a human heart can be. ¶ 2:46 AM 0 Comments
I don't have intentions of cutting myself,
or ending my life
or anything emo to that caliber.
But somehow,
every night,
i dream of jumping off a building
soaring through the sky
the wind through my air
brushing against my face.
am i lying to myself then?
I'm not suicidal
but somehow i love the feeling of pain.
it makes me feel alive.
i'll throw myself to the ground,
i'll punch myself to bleed,
i have thoughts of getting beaten up by random people just for the kick.
sometimes,
i think i'm going mental.
i put myself into positions where i know i'll get hurt
do i like hurting myself that way?
do i like feeling like shit and getting attention from everyone?
am i really that attention seeking?
i give myself too much hope sometimes.
and i forgot how fragile a human heart can be. ¶ 2:46 AM 0 Comments
Monday, August 04, 2008
Almost Done
Final stretch till i'm done with sem 1
just a little bit more and i can comfort myself with the warmth of kl,
family
and friends
It bums me out that theres a last minute assignment that i have to get done by the time i get back from kl.
but you know what, i'll have some time to breathe right after that, and i can't wait.
the sweet smell of freedom and seclusion...
the sweet smell of a craving i had since i cant even remember
I feel like isolating myself in a very dark corner in kl and just sit there for a week, meditating, thinking, get lost in my own wonderous mind, so i'll feel alive again.
Oh, how i've forgotten what it's like to live
till the dust settles, i'm just gonna plaster a smile on my face just so i can get through the final cut. :) ¶ 1:19 PM 0 Comments
just a little bit more and i can comfort myself with the warmth of kl,
family
and friends
It bums me out that theres a last minute assignment that i have to get done by the time i get back from kl.
but you know what, i'll have some time to breathe right after that, and i can't wait.
the sweet smell of freedom and seclusion...
the sweet smell of a craving i had since i cant even remember
I feel like isolating myself in a very dark corner in kl and just sit there for a week, meditating, thinking, get lost in my own wonderous mind, so i'll feel alive again.
Oh, how i've forgotten what it's like to live
till the dust settles, i'm just gonna plaster a smile on my face just so i can get through the final cut. :) ¶ 1:19 PM 0 Comments
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Never Fail History
I dont know this feeling that has taken over me
body, mind and soul.
i feel jittery when i think about her.
i cant stop thinking about her.
I smile just by the thought of her.
its funny how things went back and fourth
why do i feel this way?
what is this feeling?
i liked you at first
then we became friends
somehow, you brought me back to where i began
i have to get my head on straight.
i shouldnt keep my hopes high
she'll always be my friend
¶ 3:07 AM 0 Comments
Friday, July 11, 2008
Hello there
i just got back from halimi's and we had a really long dramatic talk that we seldom have.
we were talking about alot of stuff, mostly on family issues.
Our conversation was too long to remember but all i know is that it was a really serious one.
We started talking about our own personal family issues and it eventually lead to the reason why i dont bring his cousins to where i live. I can't say whatever it was that i told him here but just know that when it got to this part, i couldnt hold my tears back.
We eventually stumbled upon the topic of religion and how i didn't know my religion in depth and how we wanted to better ourselves. i told him what those stuff did to my vision of the path. the euphoria made me live a life with no direction and in a way, i consider the series of events that led me to quit god's mysterious way of saving me. First it was Yaya who told me in KL that i'm capable of doing whatever it is i want. she gave me the confidence go for my goals with the things that she said. then, the talk i had with abang hafiz made me realise how oblivious i am to my life. i realised that i was a zombie walking towards whatever it is that moves. my mind was dead. my life was going nowhere. and in his case, his experimentation time in life already passed a long time ago and it was then that i decided that i have experimented enough.
Back i was to reality.
we then got to the whole talks about futures and halimi started saying about how i should pursue my dream of leaving to Australia in the future to start my record company and not turn back. i told him that the only reason i'm staying in singapore is for my family and his. then he put it to a point where i should leave for myself if i really want to. my mind started to fantasize about leaving everyone i knew to go to a place i barely know. it made me tear for awhile.
on the way back, i was still fantasizing. this time about having lived in aus for 3 to 4 years. i havent seen the gang in a long time so at a random party, halimi walks into the room through the crowd with his hands on this very beautiful chick. i stood up and hugged him. i was in total shock and he introduced me to his then fantasy current girlfriend. as we were reminiscing, someone crept behind me and covered my eyes. a familiar voice asked me if i knew who it was.
i turned around and it was yaya. i hugged her for a long time before realising she had trouble breathing. then, ahmad deedat and fatin came out of nowhere. i was thrilled.
i brought them back to my studio apartment wher the home recording studio was at and told them to live with me until whenever. of course, this was all in my head. but the thought lingered in my head and another tear rolled down my cheeks. it was just something to hope for.
¶ 3:39 AM 1 Comments
